She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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