Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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