I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
