If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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