did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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