In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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