Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
