so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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