Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
