Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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