and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize