last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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