Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
