i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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