I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
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I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
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After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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