I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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