Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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