Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
