In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
