One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
