dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up under a house in Key West
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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