GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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