non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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