If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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