you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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