my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
