bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
