Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
