oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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