there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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