If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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