I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
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These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
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They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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