Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
