i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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