Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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