At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
