Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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