Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
