i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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