Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
