just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
