remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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