I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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