Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
