I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
