We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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