when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
