I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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