..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He called his prostate his "boner button".
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
