so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
