OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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