I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
