I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
