Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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