And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
