I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
