I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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