I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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