I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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