Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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