I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What drink are we having for lunch?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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