apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
