my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
