You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
