gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
