Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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